Tonight, I looked in the mirror of my soul and saw someone I didn’t expect. Boring Mom. Boring Wife. Boring Friend. Where did this mundane person come from?
I used to be fun. I used to laugh more. There used to be an adventurous spirit somewhere in this cautious, fearful body and I’ve done some pretty courageous things.
I’ve travelled to strange places. I’ve fired guns, rock-climbed and preached to prisoners. Fixing cars with my bare hands, racing friends on the highway and driving down deserted country back roads in the middle of the night were all common activities.
Now, I make sure I’m in bed by 10, my seatbelt is always fastened, and I stick close to the speed limit. I always wash my hands before eating and I always follow the rules. I know – it’s the safe thing to do. I’ve matured. I’m a mother. Call it being responsible.
But it’s boring.
What happened to me?
I confess to being a minimalist – to live with less and live the abundant life. But am I? Is this abundance? Is waking-up-and-realizing-it’s-Saturday-so-I-have-to-clean-the-toilets, living life?
Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE being a wife and a homeschooling mom. I do find significant fulfillment in both these roles. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with knitting, following rules or having safety awareness.
The problem is I’ve stopped living.
I’ve given in to the fear.
Little by little, the fears and anxieties I’ve faced over the years have crept in. Instead of facing them and ‘doing it anyways’, I’ve let them win, one-by-one.
And now I’m boring as I sit in my ‘safe’ house and live my cautious life.
This is not what God has called me to. It’s not what He has called any of us to. We’re supposed to trust Him – to follow Him at the expense of all else.
We’re called to live a life of faith- not just read about it in the Bible and good Christian fiction.
But it takes courage. It takes strength.
It takes God.
I can’t do it without Him. I don’t want to do it without Him.
He is the adventure. He is the abundant life.
I want to start living again. How about you?